News From Mar A Lago

BREAKING NEWS FROM MAR A LAGO

A scorekeeper turned in Trump's round on the weekend but Trump disputed the score saying it was lower and the man was lying. The member was shot dead by the Secret Service.

A large alligator was discovered at 2:17 am in Mar a Lago. It was apparently following a trail of offal chunks that led to Trump's room where the door was surprisingly unlocked and ajar. An investigation is being considered.

Secret Service agents were seen standing next to guests who were talking to Trump. They were holding small fans pointed at Trump and claimed they were following CDC guidelines for proper air circulation.

AND ELSEWHERE

Mehdi Hasan filled in for Chris Hayes on Monday evening. His comments and quesrions to guests asked if Pelosi should relinquish her leadership after seventeen years; whether those who say Trump “might” be the worst president ever should stop saying might, and whether Biden would actually use Executive Orders to reverse things that Trump had done. Hasan will probably not be asked back but if he is it's likely the control room will have electrodes attached to his genitals.

A Republican politician was found dead by police during a wellness check last evening. The hysterical and fanatical gun fetishist was found with a gun in mouth. Apparently, the politician was fellating the gun when it went off, which is understandable.

The gun will not be charged, said police.