Dumb criminals at work

Mob Wives aired on VH1 from 2011 to 2016. If the series ever returns, this would be a perfect episode:

Mob Wives star Drita D'Avanzo arrested for possession of drugs, weapons

https://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity...drugs-weapons/

One of the Harry Potter characters is Mundungus Fletcher, a thief who sells his stolen goods on the black market. Who knew he would become a role model for this schmuck?

Harry Potter studio tour employee stole $48,000 worth of merchandise to sell on eBay

https://www.cnn.com/2020/01/04/uk/ha...gbr/index.html

We now know why Gemma Watts and Jake Watton looked so much alike.

Woman who posed as teenage boy to abuse young girls jailed for 8 years

https://www.cnn.com/2020/01/10/uk/ge...gbr/index.html

Further proof that marijuana impairs people's ability to think rationally:

Man arrested for smoking marijuana while in court for marijuana charge

https://www.cnn.com/2020/01/28/us/te...rnd/index.html

In cartoons, when robbers hold up a bank, the money is always in bags with dollar signs on them. I always thought that was ridiculous – but what this dummy did is even more ridiculous. And of course it happened in Florida.

Florida police made a traffic stop and found a bag full of drugs fittingly labeled 'Bag Full Of Drugs'

https://www.cnn.com/2020/02/04/us/fl...rnd/index.html

As the coronavirus pandemic continues to spread, people throughout the world are buying all the toilet paper they can find. They fear a shortage. By buying all the toilet paper, they've created a shortage. And if you can't find any toilet paper to buy, find some to steal.

Police in North Carolina stopped a truck with 18,000 pounds of stolen toilet paper

https://www.insider.com/police-stop-...t-paper-2020-3

Hey, with the NFL season suspended due to the coronavirus pandemic, these guys had to get some money somewhere, didn't they? Please don't be too hard on them.

NFL's DeAndre Baker, Quinton Dunbar wanted on armed robbery charges

https://bleacherreport.com/articles/...obbery-charges

This schmuck may not fit the definition of "criminal" but he certainly fits the definition of "dumb":

New York tourist is arrested in Hawaii after posting beach pictures on Instagram when he was supposed to be in quarantine

https://www.cnn.com/2020/05/16/us/ha...rnd/index.html

A young girl was putting up signs protesting the death of George Floyd. A cyclist didn't like that. He assaulted her. A recurring character in Stephan Pastis' Pearls Before Swine comic strip is Jef the Cyclist. Pastis didn't like cyclists before – and he's going to think even less of them now.

Bethesda park police: Cyclist filmed assaulting people posting signs

https://www.aol.com/article/news/202...igns/24512678/

"Dumb" is blowing up an ATM insdide a restaurant. "Dumber" is fleeing empty-handed.

3 blow up ATM in open Chinese restaurant, flee without cash

https://apnews.com/article/archive-p...f8f6bc4f0e469a

This bank robber was wearing a mask across his chin. Maybe he has a big chin like Jay Leno and didn't want anyone to recognize him by his chin.

Anti-masker robs bank; his naked face is caught on camera

https://www.nydailynews.com/news/cri...ilu-story.html

Thirty-eight years old, sucks his thumb and lives with his grandmother. It could be worse. He could be sucking his grandmother's thumb.

Agents busted a counterfeit money operation in Ohio after getting a tip about a suspect who 'sucks his thumb' and 'lives with his grandmother'

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/other...er/ar-AA1aaC1p

Each of these dummies who tried to steal golf clubs obviously has a hole in his head. (See what I did there?)

Two absolute morons try to steal putters by shoving them down their pants in worst heist of all time

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/offbe...me/ar-AA1dILtd

Yes, there really is a Rent-A-Hitman website. They sell mugs, shirts and tote bags – but they do not rent hit men. The site is a parody. This Florida woman thought it was legitimate.

18-year-old tried in Florida to hire hit man online to kill her 3-year-old son
Police said Jazmin Paez agreed to pay $3,000 for someone she believed was a hit man to take her child "far far far away" and kill him.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/teen-...b0df863210833c

Today's Bible verse is I Timothy 6:10: "The love of money is the root of all evil."

Charlotte postal worker among 3 charged in $24 million stolen check scheme
The checks were stolen from the mail and offered for sale through a Telegram channel.

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/postal-...say-rcna125808

I can hear Andy Williams singing, "It's beginning to look a lot like jail time....."

Florida couple famous for over-the-top Christmas lights were squatting in home for 15 years with fake deed, investigation finds

https://themessenger.com/news/florid...tigation-finds

"I have a dream that this woman will be judged not by the color of her skin but by the criminal act she committed. I have a dream that soon we will be able to join hands and sing: Jail at last. Jail at last. Thank God almighty, she's in jail at last."

Woman arrested for pouring gasoline, trying to burn down Martin Luther King Jr.’s birth home

https://www.wsbtv.com/news/local/pol...NRYEKTFV6X7AU/

I have a great idea for a new Christmas song: "You're a dumb one, Mrs. Hudson."

Florida woman arrested for falsely reporting her children's Christmas gifts stolen in failed Grinch-like plot

https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-w...inch-like-plot

"Oh no! Louie, gimme your cellphone! We gotta call Lyft or Uber and hope they can get here right away."

Robbers' getaway car stolen as they're robbing Colorado check chasing store

https://www.aol.com/robbers-getaway-...195945141.html

These morons might be able to file one more claim. Their brains seem to be lost or damaged.

They falsely said USPS packages were lost or damaged, collecting $2.3 million. Now brothers face 20 years in prison.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime...on/ar-BB1isV72