Republicanland is Open for Business

Satire for those in the know. :)

Republicanland Is Open!!!

Check out the awesome attractions at America's newest theme park:

The Rick Perry Water Slide You start at the top and plunge to the bottom. Good luck figuring how to get to the top again!
Scurvy Newt's Pirate Conquest Avast, me doughy hearties! Set sail on the tide with Admiral Gingrich as he searches for a deserted island to bury all traces of his revolving Tiffany's account. On the way back, fire broadsides at the meddling media and liberal elites until they hoist the white flag. But don’t mention his wives or he'll make ye walk the plank, matey!

Ron Paul's Magical Mystery Ride! Build it yourself. Run it yourself. Ride it yourself. If you get hurt, have your neighbors hold a bake sale to cover your medical expenses.

The Jon Huntsman Cornfield Maze to Nowhere (formerly owned and operated by Tim Pawlenty Enterprises) No one notices when you enter. No one notices when you exit.

Mitt Romney's Kissing Booth! Step right up and get a smooch from the front-runner! Only one dollar! No waiting! Seriously, there is absolutely no one in line at the moment to kiss Mitt Romney. He's wide open and ready to feel the love!

[Crickets]

Okay, what if he pays you? Anyone? Aw, c'mon!

Grover Norquist's Ass-Kissing Booth Don’t miss this attraction! (Seriously, don’t miss it or your career is over…)

Ronald Reagan's House of Mirrors No matter which one you look into, you always appear as a mighty and flawless hero on a white stallion!

Herman Cain's Excellent Mexican Adventure! Swim the moat, outrun the alligators and scale the electrified fence topped with barbed wire to win a job picking American produce for two bucks an hour!

The Scott Walker Whack-A-Union Booth Use your iron fist to crush the collective bargaining rights of public workers. Made possible by a generous grant from Koch Industries.

Michele Bachmann's Scariest Spook House in the World! It's basically just you and her in a room in a house.

The Rick Santorum After-Hours Tent What happens inside? Only Google knows for sure. Strictly 21+.