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Thread: Dumb criminals at work

  1. #21
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    This story calls for a clever joke about a "gas chamber."

    A suspect was hiding from police in Missouri. A loud fart gave him away.

    https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/...rt/1689660001/

  2. #22
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    At least these three schmucks didn't take a taxi to the bank and tell the driver to wait for them. They were almost that dumb, though.

    Uber driver reports would-be bank robbers
    They also called an Uber for a getaway.

    https://www.newser.com/story/271031/...r-getaway.html

  3. #23
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    At the bottom of the note that said "This is a robbery," this dumb schmuck should have written, "Please do not look at the other side. My name and address are on it."

    A man used a note to rob a bank. Handily (for police) it had his name and address on it.

    https://www.cnn.com/2019/08/01/us/ba...bmv/index.html

  4. #24
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    Over the years, much terminology has changed. Used cars became "pre-owned." Retarded became "mentally challenged." Garbagemen became "sanitation engineers." Last month in Berkeley, manholes were renamed "maintenance holes." Now San Francisco's Supervisors want to replace "felon" and "convict" and "parolee" with nicer (and lengthier) names, such as "currently incarcerated person" and "person under supervision." I have a name for those Supervisors but I can't say it here.

    No more 'convicts' or 'felons' if San Francisco passes criminal justice language proposal

    https://www.policeone.com/arrests-se...uage-proposal/

  5. #25
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    This poor man. All the other burglars are now laughing at him.

    Man's pickup truck stolen while he committed burglary, police say

    https://www.newsweek.com/car-stolen-...obbery-1456333

  6. #26
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    We hear a lot about "higher education." I call this an example of lower education:

    ‚ÄčKentucky principal who tried to ban LGBT books arrested for possessing and distributing child pornography

    https://www.newsweek.com/kentucky-pr...graphy-1456697

  7. #27
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    "I'm my daughter. Er, I mean I'm my mother. No, no, I mean I'm the daughter of my mother. Yeah, that's it. I'm the mother of.......wait, what did I say again?"

    Utah mother tries to evade police checks by posing as her daughter, gets arrested

    https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime...ted/ar-AAGGN9S

  8. #28
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    I can already see this young man has a great future as a crooked, corrupt politician. And he pleaded innocent. Of course he did. Don't they all?

    The embattled 27-year-old mayor of Fall River, Massachusetts has been charged with extorting marijuana companies for hundreds of thousands of dollars in bribes

    https://www.businessinsider.com/jasi...inesses-2019-9

  9. #29
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    I was wondering why the judge kept singing "Alexander Hamilton! Alexander Hamilton!" I assumed he was a fan of the Broadway musical Hamilton. As it turns out, he was asking for hundreds of 10-dollar bills.

    A former Texas judge is sentenced for accepting cash bribes stuffed in beer boxes

    https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime...xes/ar-AAHS1YMr

  10. #30
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    In comic strips, Beetle Bailey often gets out of hikes or KP duty by hiding atop the barracks' roof where Sergeant Snorkel can't see him. In real life, though, that kind of trick doesn't always work.

    Arkansas killer's second escape ends after capture on prison roof

    https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime...oof/ar-AAI7Pbf

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