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Thread: Joke of the day

  1. #21
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    A Mexican magician performed his act before an appreciative crowd in a big auditorium. For the finale, he announced that he would disappear. He started counting: "Uno.....dos....." And then *POOF!* He vanished without a tres.

  2. #22
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    One last Christmas joke for this year: We know the names of the reindeer that pull Santa's sleigh but what does Santa call the reindeer that do not pull his sleigh?

    Dinner.

  3. #23
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    Charley goes to a psychiatrist and pleads, "You have to help me! Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. This is driving me crazy!" The psychiatrist says, "I can cure you of your fear. You'll have to see me once a week for a year. It will cost you $200 per visit." Charley says, "I'll think about it." Several months later, the psychiatrist runs into Charley and asks why he didn't make any appointments. Charley says, "For $200 a visit? Are you kidding? My bartender cured me for only $10." The psychiatrist asks, "How in the world did he do that?" Charley replies, "He told me to saw the legs off my bed."

  4. #24
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    Bill is reading the newspaper and says to his wife, "Listen to this, honey. According to this study, the average man speaks 15,000 words each day and the average woman speaks 30,000 words a day." The wife says, "That's probably because women are always having to repeat everything." Bill looks up from his paper and says, "What?"

  5. #25
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    A wife is very suspicious of her husband. Each evening, when he comes home from work, she checks his coat to see if there are any strands of women's hair on it. One evening she doesn't find any hair and screams, "So! Now you're fooling around with a bald woman!"

  6. #26
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    What is the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

    A hippo is heavy. A Zippo is a little lighter.

  7. #27
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    Where is everyone? Surely I can't be the only one here with funny jokes to share. ("You're not -- and don't call me Shirley.") Let's have some participation! Here are three "quickies":

    I asked the bank teller to check my balance so she pushed me.

    A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke but he wasn't hurt because it was a soft drink.

    I didn't want to believe my father was stealing from his job as a road worker but when I looked in his bedroom all the signs were there.

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