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Thread: Joke of the day

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  1. #1
    Sixt1947 is offline
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    Joke of the day

    Mr. and Mrs. Thorne had just reached the airport in the nick of time to catch the plane for their two-week's vacation in Majorca. "I wish we'd brought the piano with us," said Mr. Thorne.

    "What on earth for?" asked his wife.

    "I've left the tickets on it."

  2. #2
    Smileyhappy is offline
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    poor them, lol. good laugh!

  3. #3
    Sixt1947 is offline
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smileyhappy View Post
    poor them, lol. good laugh!
    thanks!

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    Rewind is offline
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    After a basketball game, one of the coaches found a cell phone on the floor. He picked it up, walked over to a referee and said, "Here's your phone." The ref asked, "What makes you think that's my phone?" The coach explained, "It says you missed 13 calls."

    A woman goes to the local meat market and asks for a ham. The butcher goes into the back and finds that he has only one ham left. He brings it out and says, "That will be $14." The woman says, "That ham looks awfully small. I'd like a larger one." Not wanting to lose a customer, the butcher goes into the back and returns carrying the same ham. He tells the woman, "This one is $16." She says, "You know what? I'll take both of them!"

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    Little Johnny is playing with a dog in the front yard when the mailman leans over the fence and asks, "Does your dog bite?" Johnny says "No" so the mailman enters the yard and the dog runs up and bites him on the leg. The mailman is angry: "You said your dog doesn't bite!" Johnny explains, "This isn't my dog."

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    A man is in critical condition after being shot by someone with a starter pistol. Police think the shooting is race-related.

  7. #7
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    A polar bear walked into a bar and said to the bartender, "Give me a whiskey and.............................Coke." The bartender asked, "Why the long pause?" The polar bear replied, "I don't know -- I've always had them."

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    A woman walked into a bar with a newt sitting on her shoulder. She ordered a drink for herself and a drink for the newt. The bartender asked, "What's his name?" The woman replied, "Tiny." The bartender asked, "Why did you name him Tiny?" The woman said, "Because he's my newt."

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    Gary's cell phone rang. He picked it up and his boss was on the other end, asking "Is everything okay at the office?" Gary replied, "Yes, it's been a very busy day so far. I haven't had a minute to rest, but everything is under control." The boss asked, "Can you do me a favor?" Gary said, "Of course. What is it?" The boss said, "Hurry up and take your shot. I'm in the foursome behind you."

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    One day when Saint Peter wanted to go to lunch, he put Saint Andrew in charge of the gates of heaven, telling him, "Don't let anyone in unless he can prove who he is."

    A few minutes later, a man appeared and said, "I am Ludwig von Beethoven." Saint Andrew asked, "Can you prove who you are?" Beethoven hummed the entire Fifth Symphony and Saint Andrew said, "Go on in." Then another man appeared and said, "I am Albert Einstein." Saint Andrew asked, "Can you prove who you are?" Einstein explained his theory of relativity and Saint Andrew said, "Go on in."

    Another man appeared and said, "I'm Donald Trump, okay? I was the President of the United States, okay?" Saint Andrew told him, "You'll have to prove who you are, just as Beethoven and Einstein did." Trump asked, "Who are Beethoven and Einstein?" Saint Andrew said, "Go on in."

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