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Thread: Joke of the day

  1. #1
    Sixt1947 is offline
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    Joke of the day

    Mr. and Mrs. Thorne had just reached the airport in the nick of time to catch the plane for their two-week's vacation in Majorca. "I wish we'd brought the piano with us," said Mr. Thorne.

    "What on earth for?" asked his wife.

    "I've left the tickets on it."

  2. #2
    Smileyhappy is offline
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    poor them, lol. good laugh!

  3. #3
    Sixt1947 is offline
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smileyhappy View Post
    poor them, lol. good laugh!
    thanks!

  4. #4
    Rewind is offline
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    After a basketball game, one of the coaches found a cell phone on the floor. He picked it up, walked over to a referee and said, "Here's your phone." The ref asked, "What makes you think that's my phone?" The coach explained, "It says you missed 13 calls."

    A woman goes to the local meat market and asks for a ham. The butcher goes into the back and finds that he has only one ham left. He brings it out and says, "That will be $14." The woman says, "That ham looks awfully small. I'd like a larger one." Not wanting to lose a customer, the butcher goes into the back and returns carrying the same ham. He tells the woman, "This one is $16." She says, "You know what? I'll take both of them!"

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    Little Johnny is playing with a dog in the front yard when the mailman leans over the fence and asks, "Does your dog bite?" Johnny says "No" so the mailman enters the yard and the dog runs up and bites him on the leg. The mailman is angry: "You said your dog doesn't bite!" Johnny explains, "This isn't my dog."

  6. #6
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    A man is in critical condition after being shot by someone with a starter pistol. Police think the shooting is race-related.

  7. #7
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    A man buys a robot that slaps people when they lie and decides to try it out on his son. The dad asks, "What did you do this afternoon?" The son says, "Just some homework" and the robot slaps him. The son admits, "Okay, okay. I was watching porn." The dad says, "What? I didn’t even know what porn was when I your age." The robot slaps him. The man’s wife sighs and says, "He’s definitely your son." The robot slaps her.

  8. #8
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    An upholsterer was driving his truck on a country road when he hit a bump and a box of tacks spilled all over the road. The driver behind him swerved several times trying to avoid the tacks and immediately heard an approaching siren. He pulled over and a police officer stopped and told him, "I'm giving you a ticket for reckless driving." The man protested, "But, officer, I had to swerve or those things would have punctured my tires." The cop said, "Well, all right. I can't cite you for reckless driving but I'm still giving you a ticket." The man asked, "What for?" The cop said, "Tacks evasion."

  9. #9
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    A polar bear walked into a bar and said to the bartender, "Give me a whiskey and.............................Coke." The bartender asked, "Why the long pause?" The polar bear replied, "I don't know -- I've always had them."

  10. #10
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    A woman walked into a bar with a newt sitting on her shoulder. She ordered a drink for herself and a drink for the newt. The bartender asked, "What's his name?" The woman replied, "Tiny." The bartender asked, "Why did you name him Tiny?" The woman said, "Because he's my newt."

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