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Thread: A Horny Problem

  1. #21
    Atypical is online now
    Mistress Julie

    Your message arrived as I was completing plans for a new program at the Castle. It will be called, ‘By Wotan, That Is One Beautiful Sheep’.

    It will work in this fashion. There will be a drawing for the men in the 'Frequent Johns’ club. It will be restricted to those that have visited the castle more than 12 times. They will have honorary status and be called ‘Bakers’. The winner will get a free night at the castle with the sheep. The boots will be the responsibility of the winner. I think this will increase business and make the men, and sheep, very happy.

    I am working on other exciting ideas.

    For example, there are many dwarfs in the village. We could take one to a hill, push him over, and bet how long it would take for him to roll to the bottom.

    This next one seems the best so far. We have catapults currently sitting idle. A dwarf could be put into one and shot into the air. This would give our Archers and Slingshoters some practice. It does have a serious limitation however. I continue to work on it.

    Relative to your message, I have been cordial with you of late and you once again come at me with your foul requests.

    And your constant references to the ‘Baby Dragon’, whose paternity has still to be fixed, are tiresome. When it is determined perhaps we will talk.

    I am not surprised that you have accumulated ducats based on your wiles, such as they are. I trust you have not worn out your ‘gifts’ so that they will be unavailable or in poor operation. We will need them in the future.

    I will not entertain an equal arrangement. It is my business, started with my own skills, and I have worked very hard to nurture it. The Maidens, MILFs and GILFs are my discoveries. My men have traveled far and wide to uncover them. The secret of Victoria has been plumbed repeatedly, firmly and with vigor by Captain Sword and his men. Nothing has been held back. Everything and everyone has come repeatedly to the expected climax. And, after all of this, you ask for consideration?

    This is the proposal. You will come in as an MC, whatever that is. You will contribute many ducats for the privilege to be part of my Castle’s exciting promotions. Your main duty will be to entertain the men prior to their visit to the rooms. You will have the title of ‘Fluffer’. If a man decides to stay with you rather than continue to a room you will be able to earn the expected rate. Periodically, you will be constrained to ‘redecorate’ the rooms, with or without your mother’s assistance.

    You may also contribute ideas, such as the ones I have mentioned, and will be able to earn a ‘commission’ on any extra business. The men may frequently give you their ‘tips’ and these you may do with as you wish.

    This is my offer.


    Dragon

  2. #22
    SiriMonkey is offline
    I have an even better idea Dragon.
    YOU be the Fluffer.

    Shove your offer.
    Last edited by SiriMonkey; 05-19-2011 at 02:10 PM.

  3. #23
    Atypical is online now
    Does this mean you will be forfeiting the ducats that will come your way? The extra accolades that being MC, whatever that is, will be bestowed on you? The hurrahs that the populace will sing when you pass by? The shiny garments the FP will create for your appearances? The opportunity to trigger the catapults? Additional chances to learn more of Victoria's Secrets? The ability to decorate the castle in colors of your choosing? To invent creative games using dwarves?

    All of this you are willing to forfeit over some fluff, some lint?


    Dragon
    Last edited by Atypical; 05-19-2011 at 06:42 PM.

  4. #24
    SiriMonkey is offline
    Perhaps I was a bit hasty dear Dragon, in rejecting your very generous offer.

    I was taken aback by your relegating me to that of a circus barker or so it seemed. I had visions of us as partners Dragon, standing side by side, heads together, as we built our business as equals. Obviously that is not your vision of us. It is hard for me to put aside my feelings for you, watching from the sidelines as you cavort with the many women who reside in your castle. Auditioning each as though an Oscar was forthcoming. Miss Lottaarms or whatever her name is, seems to have found a special place in your heart. A place I once held.
    The final stake to my heart was when the chore of fluffing was delegated to me. That dearest dragon, is what brought tears to my eyes! Any man I have encountered has always given me his full attention, no prompting from me was needed. Nor would any man ever enter my room, and then leave to go to another. Your callous disregard to my feelings has bewildered and pained me deeply.

    Perhaps we need to sit down and enjoy an intimate dinner for two and discuss our future venture together. A small table, candles, wine, me in my extremely low cut, nipped at the waist, sheer, Victorias Secret dress and you, my handsome Dragon, in your uniform, beard closely trimmed. Relishing each other company as we once did. Again and again. Perhaps then you will recall what I once meant to you, and treat me accordingly. One small request before we begin our negotiations my strong fearless Dragon, that Miss Lottaeyes be let go. Many rumors are circulating the village. Some started by me, but that's not the point. She does not have your best interests at heart. Unlike me, who with our little dragon, (DNA test results forthcoming) have stood by you through your sometimes foolish endeavors. Dwarf catapulting Dragon. Really.



    Shall I begin to prepare for our date dearest Dragon?

    Wench
    Last edited by SiriMonkey; 05-20-2011 at 07:39 AM.

  5. #25
    Atypical is online now
    Dear Wench Julie

    My intent, when asking that you be a ‘fluffer' was simple.

    When visiting the castle, the men sometimes come directly from the fields. Their clothes are a bit, shall we say, dusty. I wanted you, and Miss Lottabodi, to fluff the dust and dirt so that they would not soil the furniture in the castle. I knew that this basic act might be misinterpreted by some of the men; some might become inadvertently aroused. That was why I also said that any ‘tips’ could be kept by each of you. I assumed there would be many. Due to the bending over. And kneeling. And rubbing.

    Anyway, I am heartened that you have seen fit to understand. And Miss Lottabodi will now not have to share the ‘tips’.

    I have decided to make amends, to show that our enduring relationship truly has meaning.

    Henceforth, some changes will be made. The King has decreed the following:

    1) All Chinee restaurants and laundries will be now called ‘Joo Lee’s. It simplifies much. No one wants to eat at Wo Fat.

    2) Whenever any digging or holes are contemplated in the village, a contact must be made to J.U.L.I.E. Woe to anyone who does not follow this protocol.

    3) A new implement has been invented to do certain work. It will be called a ‘wench’. There is another device that can lift and pull. It too will be called a ‘wench’.

    I have considered your suggestion of a late-night supper. I recall our last rendezvous when I called you, my little tourterelle, my little escargot, my little petite filet-mignon. I said, you are the lumiere of my life. My reason la vie. You are my little champignon. My little duxelles. Your haricot-vert eyes entrance me. Your chocolate mousse hair amazes me and leaves me breathless. You are my garde manger for life.

    That was an exciting evening. And the food was good, too.

    I am puzzled by your indifference to using the dwarfs, the catapults, the sheep, and that you want the very exciting Miss Lottabodi to leave. You must have jealousy regarding her, but, I assure you, you are first in my heart. Her ‘assets’ are merely an asset to the castle.

    I will consult my chef, Raoul, and see what he suggests. The giraffes are in season. They go well with an aged Cabernet.

    I admonish you to rethink your position regarding the ‘business’. It is to our benefit to have it as varied and exciting as possible.

    Consider amputees.


    Dragon
    Last edited by Atypical; 05-20-2011 at 07:17 PM.

  6. #26
    SiriMonkey is offline
    Dearest Dragon,
    It was with much delight I read your change of heart regarding our collaboration. Putting our heads together will result in a spectacular business, one that will be visted by many men from far and wide.

    I am very flattered by your amends. Most of the wretched suffering I have endured these past few months have lessened with the Kings decrees. Most. There are just a few little items I would like to clarify before we can move forward to making our venture successful. My list is as follows.

    A. Miss Lottaknees is to be let go immediately. I see the glances between you and her as she slithers by. I will not make the same mistake Queen Maria from the faraway village made. Although she will recover quite nicely as King Arnold will pay numerous ducats for his little indiscretions. Perhaps Miss Lottatoes can be relegated to the stables. She can scour the stalls as well as act as a replacement for when sheep take ill.

    B. I wish to be in charge of hiring the staff. As a woman of MANY talents I recognize what it is men are seeking when they enter our establishment. No need for you to have 3 auditions/tryouts prior to one hiring. This will free up a large part of your day to concentrate on more important matters. My consideration for taking on this responsibility was only for your wellfare dear Dragon, the burden of this menial task belong with me.

    C. It is with great hesitation I bring up this last concern to my big strong Dragon. With my daily involvement being quite extensive and time consuming, my vision is of sharing the ducats equally. We are coming into modern times Dragon. Rumor is women being treated as equals to men is on the horizon. I wish to be an example of this modern wench.

    I am looking forward to sharing the delicious supper you have described. Although giraffes tend to be quite chewy I am sure Raul will be adept at tenderizing. A sudden thought dearest dragon! Why not serve a sheep at our romantic rendezvous? This will enable Miss Lottathumbs to earn a few extra ducats before a replacement sheep can be found.

    Wench
    Last edited by SiriMonkey; 05-23-2011 at 08:08 PM.

  7. #27
    Atypical is online now
    Wenchette

    You are quite correct, and Raoul agrees, that giraffe may not be tender enough for our repast when it comes. Therefore, I will suggest a variety of the best scorpions, caterpillars, spiders, beetles, ants and other delicious insects. After simmering in garlic they will be very scrumptious. Especially with a chilled Rose. I will work on additional items for our menu with my chef.

    Captain Sword has become my indispensible lieutenant. He has assisted me with general requests and those of major importance. To that end, I have recently sent him into the land and beyond, without uniform of course, to search for ideas that will enhance the business. He has returned with some.

    He insists that BBWs are quite the rage these days. I understand that they are, in the vernacular of those who are big aficionados, zaftig. I guess that means something good. He brought some back and I shall add them to the castle’s enticements.

    He has many other ideas. One is to have available, for a much higher price, twins. These are difficult to find. He has found one set. I have seen them. They are also scrumptious. No need for wine.

    This idea has me baffled. He says that hirsute AND non-hirsute are popular. How can this be? One would think the former only. The latter seems to be, well, strange. I must see for myself. Quite confusing!

    I am considering making Captain Sword a junior partner at the castle. Perhaps, something can be worked out between you two.

    As to your other demands; Miss Lottabodi has been of immeasurable service to me in my endeavor. Her oral skills have been such that she is now quite articulate. Additionally, I have learned that she has relatives and friends who she says would be willing to join the castle in various positions. I trust her judgment. One relative is called Miss Inabbondanza. Another is named Miss Delizioso. Yet a third is Miss Bello. I will place them under my care when they arrive. Quickly.

    Miss Lottabodi stays.

    This should please you as I treat her equally with all the other Maidens, MILFs and GILFs. They are all treasured by me and rewarded constantly, over and over.

    The ducats are mine to distribute as I determine. I alone will decide.

    The business is coming along. With the new additions, the talents of the existing employees like the dwarves, and occasional sheep, all is well. The catapults, however, need constant oiling.

    I need no other changes at this time.


    Dragon
    Last edited by Atypical; 05-24-2011 at 10:42 AM.

  8. #28
    Hopeful is offline
    Addict
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    Joined: Nov 2008 Location: Vancouver Island Canada Posts: 583
    HAHAHA you guys are funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  9. #29
    Atypical is online now
    I was Hopeful that you would find it such.

    My staff stands (or lays) ready to be of service. Ducats will not be necesary. With My Compliments.


    Dragon

  10. #30
    SiriMonkey is offline
    Quote Originally Posted by Atypical View Post
    I was Hopeful that you would find it such.

    My staff stands (or lays) ready to be of service. Ducats will not be necesary. With My Compliments.


    Dragon
    This is a prime example of what I was referring to! First off Dragon, as an equal partner in this establishment I think we need to promote as a team, to be known as such. A better reply to this gentleman should have read, MADAME JULIE and I were hopeful.

    Also before any complimentary services are to be bestowed, run it by me. Having entertained many men in this village I am familiar with their special needs. I do know this fine gentlemen and have entertained him several times previously. I also know him to be quite wealthy as well. He will require a unique woman to accomodate him. I have no qualms in taking time out from my busy day to treat our guest to the exemplary entertainment he has come to expect. We don't want him walking in to our castle, pointing to just anyone. Consider this Dragon, he may chose to be serviced by Miss Lottanose. Imagine his grave disappointment in his choice after having been with me! I know I do not wish to have him walk away disappointed, perhaps to never return. If word were to get out that we had less than desirable employees, it could ruin us. And dearest Dragon, Miss Lottabumps really needs to have those moles removed, they are quite unslightly. I have had several gentlemen complain they have lost their appetite for our services when she appeared before them. Perhaps when the Veterinarian comes to examine the animals he can burn several of them off. At least the most prominent ones, the ones that block her breathing. The rest can be tucked away for further treatments.

    Wench
    Last edited by SiriMonkey; 05-26-2011 at 08:41 AM.

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