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Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.

This morning I said to my neighbor, "I saw you digging three holes yesterday." "Yes," he explained. "My hunting dog died and I decided to bury him in the backyard." I asked, "Why did you need to dig...

Don and Julie are driving to Disney World for a vacation. On the way through Louisiana, they see a sign that says "Natchitoches city limits." They start arguing about how to pronounce the name of the...

Today, April 15, is the day when federal income taxes are due. Internal Revenue Service agents are trying to locate a relative of Darth Vader. His name is Tax E. Vader.

Roscoe points a gun at the bank teller and demands money. He's on his way out the door with a sack full of hundred-dollar bills when he notices several people outside the bank, staring at him. He...

A work crew was installing telephone poles to bring phone service to a remote town in the hills of Kentucky. They still had several miles to go and they had to have the work completed in two more...

George had a very embarrassing problem. He had smelly feet. No matter how much he washed his feet and no matter what kind of powders or sprays he used, his feet always smelled. Melinda had another...

An elderly man went to the doctor for his annual physical exam. After the doctor checked the man's temperature, blood pressure, hearing, eyesight, reflexes and circulation, he asked, "Do you have any...

Don lived on the fourth floor of an apartment building. One night he thought he heard rain falling so his stuck his hand out the window to check. Suddenly a glass eye fell into his hand. He looked up...

Walt, a traveling salesman, had been driving for several hours and was very tired, so he decided to pull over to the side of the road and take a nap in his car. He had been asleep just a few minutes...

I know I'm not the only one here who knows a lot of funny jokes but this thread has become my own personal humor blog. Where is everyone? How about some participation? Please?

A man and a boy go...

A rancher goes to the local veterinarian and says, "I have a horse. Sometimes he walks normally and sometimes he limps. What should I do?" The veterinarian tells him, "The next time he walks...

On a Friday night in December, Don took his girlfriend to Armando's Jewelers and told her to pick out anything she wanted. He said, "This will be your Christmas present." She picked up a 24-karat...

A duck waddled into a general store and asked the clerk, "Do you have crackers?" The clerk said "No" and the duck left. The next day the duck walked back into the store and asked the clerk, "Do you...

Two pigeons are flying above an automobile dealer's new car lot. One pigeon asks, "Did you see that brand-new silver Mercedes C300 sedan?" The other pigeon replies, "See it? I made a deposit on it!"

A blonde goes to the emergency room late at night. The tip of her index finger is missing. The doctor asks what happened and she explains, "I tried to commit suicide." The doctor is incredulous: "You...

Where is everyone? Surely I can't be the only one here with funny jokes to share. ("You're not -- and don't call me Shirley.") Let's have some participation! Here are three "quickies":

I asked the...

What is the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

A hippo is heavy. A Zippo is a little lighter.

A wife is very suspicious of her husband. Each evening, when he comes home from work, she checks his coat to see if there are any strands of women's hair on it. One evening she doesn't find any hair...

Bill is reading the newspaper and says to his wife, "Listen to this, honey. According to this study, the average man speaks 15,000 words each day and the average woman speaks 30,000 words a day." The...

Charley goes to a psychiatrist and pleads, "You have to help me! Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. This is driving me crazy!" The psychiatrist says, "I can cure you of...

One last Christmas joke for this year: We know the names of the reindeer that pull Santa's sleigh but what does Santa call the reindeer that do not pull his sleigh?

Dinner.

A Mexican magician performed his act before an appreciative crowd in a big auditorium. For the finale, he announced that he would disappear. He started counting: "Uno.....dos....." And then *POOF!*...

Three men die in a car crash on Christmas Day and find themselves standing before Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. Peter tells them, "I will let each of you in to heaven if you can produce something...

I changed my Facebook user name to "No one." Now when I click "Like" on my friends' Facebook pages, it will say "No one likes this."